You are on the Radar...

I have had this feeling the whole time growing up that I am on the radar .. constantly watched! Now that gives an eerie feeling, doesn't it!

Have you had this someone,something through out your life that makes you realize where you are faltering in life, how you are not walking the talk? Are you wondering - what is she talking about? Well,in that case I am one of those few chosen ones by the universe. ha! ha! that is all I can say.

Growing up I thought this is how it is! In a whole class of 60 students, my teacher would be focused only on me. If I talk, I am spotted. If I do a mischief, I am spotted. If I miss a homework, I am spotted. I have this one friend or person around me who will never ever allow me to lie. And if I do, that is it it will be out! At home it was my dad. Whether I come first in class or I win a debate, my dad would always list out the criticism first. This you did not do it right! And then of course, he would praise me behind my back. Even many of my teachers did that. If I break a rule, it is like the whole world is watching! I have no complaints about it as I always thought it was God's way to always keep me on the path of knowledge. Wasn't always a pleasant experience or should I say it was tough - it was Tapas! Like in India folks would say - your karma!

I have become the Art of Living teacher and now I am on fire like never before or as Rajima says "now you are deep fried in oil". :)
And in courses telling others knowledge sutras like 'Accept people and situations as they are' is not easy. I am always on the radar or should I say I am inside it. And this time, the Divine has chosen the voice of my companion for life. ;)
So there is no escape from it.

I remember once Gurudev said that as you walk on the path and sway to left or to right, there will be danda from either side which will bring u back to the path walking straight. My danda is on and I am so grateful for the full-on attention from the Divine this way. The only was to humble this ego and to make it realise you are nothing and a nobody!!
Push every button till there remains none to be pushed.

But do you know what the most important realization of all this is! The one outside is only my reflection as the button can only get pushed if I already think that it is a button. The one outside merely reflects it loud and clear into the universe for you to hear and reflect. Unless I think the same - it cannot push me!

If what I hear is absolutely new information about me, then it will only bring an element of surprise - and not emotions like anger or regret or sadness in the moment it happens. So that means I already know I am not walking the talk . I realise more and more is to just hear it without giving justification or passing any judgement! You know it so accept it! There is nothing right or wrong about it .. it just is that way. It will surely change!

Dropping judgements..
Dropping being right or being wrong..
Dropping justifications..
Can I accept the moment for what it brings?
Can I love this moment for 'it is'?

When there is lack of love, acceptance dawns..
And love is a happening... patience is its virtue!
Be patient!!

I am and will be on the radar till the realisation dawns that there is no radar and there is no me...
till then enjoy and have fun!!

Ciao...